We spend a lot of time helping leaders stay in the moments that are hard: difficult conversations, conflict, disappointment, and the inevitable gut punches of leadership. But what about the other end of the spectrum? Joy as a leadership skill may sound unexpected — and even a little less urgent—but learning how to receive, savor, and share joy can change how we experience both work and life.
“That’s good. What’s next?”
David admits that, until fairly recently, he was someone who rarely stopped to savor the good stuff. And David isn’t alone. Many of the leaders David and Margaret meet are actually pretty uncomfortable celebrating, receiving acknowledgements, or simply pausing for joy. Instead of staying with a good moment, we allow our inner hyperachiever saboteur to rush toward the next task, goal, or problem.
The challenge is first learning to recognize joy when it arrives—and then learning to let ourselves actually experience it.
What does it mean to “receive the yum”?
Margaret shares the experience that inspired this conversation: this past weekend, she got to celebrate her son’s engagement with a room full of people who love and support the couple. Instead of holding herself back, she was able to open her heart and become “saturated” by their happiness and love. She allowed herself to drink in the beauty of their community of friends and family and the elation of the occasion.
She left feeling like her tank was full.
That ability to let good things in—to receive appreciation, love, celebration, and connection—is part of joy as a leadership skill.
The secret weapon: acknowledgements
Our hosts discuss a few tools to strengthen our “Joy Practice.” They start with the art of the acknowledgement.
They explain the difference between a compliment and an acknowledgement. A compliment might recognize what someone did or how they look. An acknowledgement goes deeper: I see something about who you are.
Both remember what it felt like when this skill was introduced in their coach training, and how uncomfortable they felt with both giving and receiving acknowledgements at first. But practicing the skill helped them become more willing to be seen—and to let positive things about themselves actually land.
And there’s a bonus: giving an acknowledgement can create joy for the person giving it, too.
Try sending a little love into the world
An acknowledgement doesn’t have to be complicated. Try starting with:
- “You are…”
- “What I appreciate about you is…”
- “What I love about you is…”
Then name a quality or way of being—not simply something someone accomplished.
The trick is to slow down enough to actually see the other person. As Margaret puts it, an acknowledgement recruits your heart.
A little savoring goes a long way
Another practice for experiencing more joy is savoring. Margaret describes how, during a difficult period in her life, her therapist encouraged her to notice tiny moments of pleasure: holding a warm cup of coffee, smelling it before taking the first sip, feeling hot water in the shower, or noticing flowers at the grocery store.
David has developed his own version with his elaborate morning coffee ritual.
The point isn’t to manufacture giant moments of happiness. It’s to notice the little ones that are already there with the intention of strengthening our capacity to start noticing what’s “yum.”
Can you actually let yourself be satisfied?
David introduces another surprisingly difficult word: satisfied.
Whether you’re a leader, an athlete, or simply someone accustomed to moving quickly toward the next goal, it can be hard to stop and appreciate what you’ve already accomplished. David talks about winning a Brazilian jiu-jitsu championship as a brown belt. His ultimate goal was, of course, to get to that black belt, but he allowed himself to appreciate the win, even though there was more to do.
Sometimes joy requires us to stop chasing the next thing long enough to enjoy this thing.
And then… some very good news
The episode ends with David sharing some joyful news after a frightening health scare involving his wife, which was discussed during the previous show, Ep 190: Leading through the Gut Punch. They were able to celebrate good results together—and David shared the celebration with Margaret, too.
Which turns out to be another way of experiencing joy: invite other people into it.
So here’s your practice: give someone an acknowledgement. Savor something small. Let yourself be satisfied with something you’ve done. And when something good happens, don’t keep it to yourself.
Let yourself receive the yum. Then send a little joy back out into the world.
