/
RSS Feed
Ethical influence means persuading others using only what is true, makes common sense, and you’d recommend to someone you love. Barry Moline — award-winning author and certified Cialdini Institute trainer — breaks down the difference between ethical influence and manipulation, and why leaders who master this distinction build more trust, not less.
Most leaders want to bring people to their side. The problem? They haven’t thought carefully about how they’re doing it.
Barry Moline has. With nearly three decades in the CEO seat and a certification from the Cialdini Institute — the foremost authority on the science of persuasion — Barry joined Margaret and David on the Leadership Deep Dive Show to talk about something deceptively simple: what makes influence ethical, and what tips it into manipulation.
Here’s what he said.
What does ethical influence actually mean?
Barry breaks it down into three criteria. Ethical influence must be:
- True — grounded in evidence, not fabrication
- Common sense — something the other person can instinctively understand and accept
- Wise — something you’d recommend to your own family, your kids, your closest friends
“If I don’t believe it, if I don’t subscribe to it,” Barry says, “then it’s hard for me to influence somebody else. Then it becomes manipulative.”
That third criterion is the one that stings. Because it means you can’t ethically sell — or fundraise, or lead — from behind a message you don’t personally stand behind. Full stop.
How does ethical influence differ from manipulation?
The clearest line? Manipulation ignores the other person’s reality. Ethical influence starts there.
A car salesperson who won’t accept “no” has failed to connect the product to the buyer’s actual life. Barry puts it plainly: “They haven’t asked the person what they need this car for.” That failure — to listen, to understand, to connect — is what opens the door to manipulation.
Ethical influence, by contrast, finds genuine common ground. It’s what Barry calls the “liking” principle (a cornerstone of Cialdini’s influence framework): we do business with people we like, and we like people we have something in common with. That’s not a tactic. That’s human nature.
Why should nonprofit leaders and fundraisers care about this?
A lot. David makes the point directly during the conversation: fundraisers face real pressure to hit numbers, which can push them — subtly, gradually — toward pulling heartstrings instead of building honest connections.
Barry’s counter-model is Warren Buffett. In every annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway investors, Buffett would name both the wins and the mistakes — and explain what was being done to fix them. The result? People trusted him more, not less.
“People have a tremendous capacity for understanding problems,” Barry says. “What they want to hear, just beyond that, is: what’s the plan to fix it?”
Transparency isn’t weakness. It’s the foundation of durable influence.
When is scarcity ethical — and when isn’t it?
Scarcity, one of Cialdini’s classic principles, is widely misused. Barry draws a clean line.
Unethical scarcity: The perpetual holiday sale that repeats every few months. Consumers know it’ll come back. The urgency is fake, and savvy buyers see through it.
Ethical scarcity: A conference with a real registration deadline. The price actually goes up after a set date — because the organizers need to book the room and order the food. That scarcity is real, verifiable, and serves everyone.
The test is simple: is the limitation genuine, or manufactured?
What’s one thing you can try today?
Here’s the takeaway Barry left the audience with — and it’s disarmingly low-key.
When someone thanks you for helping them, try responding with: “That’s what friends do for each other.” Or colleagues. Or neighbors.
It sounds small. Barry admits he felt a little strange the first time he said it. But what it does is name the relationship — it confirms a mutual bond rather than creating obligation. No strings. No manipulation. Just a quiet reinforcement of trust.
“It’s karma,” Barry says. “It’s basically creating good karma.”
Barry encourages you to try it this week. Say it once, genuinely, and notice what happens.
Who is Barry Moline and where can I learn more?
Barry Moline is an award-winning author, certified Cialdini Institute trainer, and leadership speaker with 29 years of CEO experience. He is a member of the Forbes Business Council and has delivered over 875 speaking engagements. You can reach him at BarryMoline.com.
